Just a few minutes ago we completed another family meeting called upon by our 10 year old daughter. We have had a few family meetings initiated by my husband or myself but predominantly they have been because my daughter had something she wanted to discuss. I wanted to list five reasons why official family meetings have helped our family. But first I wanted to point out that family meetings are very helpful before we move, and also equally helpful any time we have change or adjustment. Family meetings do not have to be "held" due to large life events rather what is important to the person holding them.
1.) Whomever calls the meeting has "something" they would like to discuss and this opens up communication for our family in a healthy way before that "something" becomes an issue!
2.) Whomever calls the meeting knows that in this busy world that during "Family Meeting Time" they will have complete attention from their family members without distraction of media or anything else. This gives the person who called the meeting a chance to feel important and special knowing they can have open communication while the other family members are respectful.
3.) Family meetings somehow set the tone for more appropriate behavior by all family members (including parents). When there is a family meeting in progress there are rules that we follow, allowing one person to speak at a time and responding one at a time appropriately. This teaches and "reminds" parents what healthy communication should look like.
4.) Family meetings resolve issues. Most of the time a family meeting is called because there already is a family issue in progress and someone feels it needs to be addressed. These meetings can help deescalate a situation, or keep a situation from becoming ugly. Now I should mention not all family meetings are designed around family issues. It's rare we have a family meeting because there is an issue its usually used as a vehicle to help children understand something, and in our military family, that something is some kind of change (ie moving.)
5. My favorite reason for family meetings is because it helps my daughter process information that often is to large until it's broke down. Family Meetings help my daughter to clarify and understand what is about to happen or is happening, what her role is in a situation or a family change, and to know that their is plan amongst what would otherwise appear as chaos to a young child. For the same reasons it's just as useful for adults as well.
Our family meeting today was called by our daughter who likes to make the meeting official with white-board presentations that are often lengthy:) Today she wanted to know what "exactly" we were doing this next week in regards to us moving. Think about how powerful this is! A ten year old notices that there is a difference in the aura of our usual routine. She undoubtedly has overhead us discussing our upcoming move into our first home, and has overhead us discussing all we have to do this next week. It's a big mistake for parents to assume that it's either non of our children's business, assume they cant understand what is happening, or to assume as parents we are not "required" to explain ourselves to our children, (we're the parents after all!) But that is so untrue. Children function on routine and stability and when our lives are flipped upside down it is invaluable to have already explained to them what to expect and what their role is.
You may think "Our children don't have a role" and while sometimes that is true, it almost never is. Let's say for example your moving and you have young children who can not contribute to packing, cleaning etc. because they are to young, what then would be their role? Children's job is to be children, to play, to explore, to question, and when they are getting ready to move into another home their lives are flipped upside down. If children function on routine and stability and their routine is changed, does that not effect them? This specific post is series 1 of 5 on moving with children. The first step in moving is preparing the family for what to expect and family meetings have always been beneficial for us in that regard.
Our meeting revolved around our daughter asking questions that we would have never thought to explain to her. She wanted to know what to expect this week. She wanted to know what dates we were doing specific things, she wanted to tell us how she would help us. We took the time to explain to her exactly what to expect and what her specific role is. Everyday she is going to help her (pregnant) mom pack up light items such as clothes and blankets, toys etc. I also explained to her that I would fill our her dry erase chore chart with my expectations so each day she understands what to expect. No surprises. Isn't it comforting to know what to expect, instead of feeling chaotic? She is going to update her dry erase calendar she has in her room to reflect the moving dates. She also volunteered to help with the pets she is creating a list of how she will handle the pets and likely feels like she is really contributing to the family by taking on this responsibility. We never asked her to help us with the pets it's just something she offered to do!
In the end having the family members understand they can call family meetings helps to keep communication moving freely and in a healthy way!
